Sunday, December 14, 1997

Paved With Gold

"I don't know, but I been told
The streets of heaven are paved with gold."

From: Ethereal Press International
Subject: Protesters argue for keeping gold streets

NEW JERUSALEM (EPI) -- Citizens spoke out against a plan by the New Jerusalem Department of Transportation to replace the traditional gold used to pave the city's streets with a titanium- based alloy.

"Tourists and new immigrants are attracted to Heaven by its gold streets," said Lewis Mumford of the Association to Maintain Edifices of Note (AMEN), a historical preservation society.

Traffic engineers maintain that the soft nature of gold requires a considerable amount of extra maintenance. "We spend three times as much on filling potholes and repairing breaks in the streets because the gold wears away so fast," said Robert Moses, NJDOT chair.

However, AMEN claims that in the long run it will be more expensive, not less. "The extensive underground utility network means that workers have to cut through the city's streets often. This is simplified with gold. With titanium, it will be expensive and take longer, tying up traffic."

AMEN, fresh from its victory preserving the twelve gates of the city from an NJDOT plan to widen the roadways, plans a major campaign to preserve the city's historic street paving.