When I am in a silly mood, I will sometimes put this message on my answering machine.
Hello. You have reached the Pay Off Aaron Priven's Student Loans Hotline. Please leave your name, number, and level of support at the tone. For a regular membership of thirty-five dollars, you will receive our monthly Guide to Aaron Priven covering all Aaron Priven events. For a supporting membership of sixty dollars, you can choose one of our lovely thank-you gifts, including an Aaron Priven tote bag, an Aaron Priven tee-shirt, or an Aaron Priven mug. Thank you for your generosity.
Note, December 2002: Actually, I haven't put this on my answering machine for a long time, but I keep thinking I should sign up for the NPR news program "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me," because the main prize on that show is to get NPR anchorman Carl Kasell to record your outgoing answering machine message. What could be more appropriate?